New Realizations
by DrowningFromTheInside
Summary: Oneshot. Random idea I had. Dally and Darry searching through Johnnys things...bad at summeries. Please R&R :


**Hey guys. I got this idea and decided to write it. I own nothing. Hope  
you like and review. Darry and Dally based.  
. . .**  
Darry and Dally walked down the road slowly in silence. Dally had  
gotten out of the hospital almost a week ago, and they said that he  
would heal well. Darry knew they were only talking about the physical  
wounds.

Ever since Dally had woke up, he wasn't himself. He was as quiet as  
Johnny was but twice as fierce and mean than before. That was why,  
although Darry had bills to pay and work to do, he decided to join  
Dally on when he announced he was going for a walk. He was worried  
that Dally would snap again, like he did the night Johnny died, and he  
was scared that it would kill him. He was lucky before.

Darry felt protective of all of the gang, especially his brothers, and  
the night Dally got shot he couldn't help but feel guilty. Dally had  
phoned him, but he was too late. He wasnt there for him. So he was  
going to make sure he would always be there for him now.

Looking around Darry reconized they were near Johnnys house. He looked  
at Dally who seemed determined to go there. Darry tensed. He didn't  
want to go near there, but he reluctantly followed Dally as he picked  
up his pace.

Just then the door of the house they were walking by was flung open.  
Johnnys house.

Out walked a frail, petite looking women and a brurly man. You could  
probably hear them down the street by how loud they were talking.  
Dally and Darry took cover by a tree.

"Well what the hell do you want me to do with all of his shit!" the  
woman yelled.

"Just fuckin get rid of it."

"Thats it, huh? you want me to just throw it all out, like we never had a  
son!"

"Yes! I don't want his shit in my house! God dammit women do you  
never listen!"

"Fine! I'll just throw it out! Like we never made that mistake! Will  
that make you-" Her sentance was cut off abruptly by the slam of a  
car door.

Beside him Dallys entire body was tense. The minute the car was out of  
the driveway he stood. "We gotta get his stuff."

Darry looked at him. He wasn't too happy about Johnnys parents  
desicion either but he wasn't going to rob them over it, and if the  
fuzz caught them, Pony and Soda would be tooken away. "I can't Dal."

He looked at me sincerly. "I know. I'll be out in a bit. If something  
happens you were never here. Pony and Soda need you." Darry nodded and  
watched as Dally jogged across the lawn and pushed open a window and  
hoist his body through it.

_Pony and Soda need you._  
_Pony and Soda need you._  
_Pony and Soda need you._  
Dallys words echoed through his head. _So does he._

Reaching a desicion he ran after Dally. As he was pulling himself the  
window he thought if Pony saw him doing this. He would probably die  
from shock. He knew if he saw Pony doing this he'd kill him.

As he looked around the room he studied it. Dally was already  
shuffling through a small dresser on one side. On the other side a  
dirty matress laid on the ground. Darry frowned. He didn't even have a  
bed. The walls were cracked and chipped, stains covered them along  
with the floor. A single picture was pinned on the wall, it was the  
one of the gang, all of them laughing, that Mrs Curtis took after a  
football game. It was silent, other then the sounds of Dally moving  
things in the dresser. Darry walked over to join him.

The dresser was small, only four drawers, two on each side. Dally  
started with the top right. It contained a pair of jeans and a couple  
of shirts along with socks an underwear. After making sure that was a  
that was in there he opened the bottom one.

This one was even more empty. As he pulled things out and pushed  
things he saw some grease, a toothbrush, a condom for only god knows  
why (he was scared of girls) and a piece of coal most likely from Two-  
Bit when he got everyone one for a Christamas present. Just as he was  
getting ready to close it he saw it, a little notebook that was  
pressed against the wall closest to him making it invisible unless you  
look at it from above, like Dally was.

He flipped through the pages and saw they were all covered in words.  
After scanning the first page he realized that it was a journal.  
Johnnys journal.

The first few pages were filled with life stories, his parents, socs,  
his dreams, nothing Dally hadn't already knew. But then he saw one  
that made his heart stop.

. . .

_**Dear Journal,**_. . .

I don't know how much longer I can last. Sometimes death sounds pretty  
good, but I don't think I could ever do that to the gang. They are  
pratically my family.

Sometimes I wonder if socs are as close as us greasers are, and I  
don't think so. We would die for each other without a second thought,  
we pratically do it every time we help someone getting jumped. I don't  
know if they would.

Dallys in jail again. He's real tough. Never gets hurt. I don't think  
he cares about nothing, but sometimes Pony says he cared bout me. I  
don't know though, I always figured he was just protective cause I am  
so damn nervous all the time. Wish I could be more like him, but in  
someways I don't too. He doesn't know there's good in the world, so he  
hates everything. You can see it in his eyes, the hatred.

I wonder what he'd be like if he didn't had it do rough when he was a  
kid. Hell he still is a kid, only a little older than me in years, but  
in experience he is like a grampa compared to me. I think he'd be  
still the same, determined, brave, strong, but he'd smile a lot, and  
would know what love is like.

I remember back when I was real young, before dad started drinking,  
when we were like a real family. Mom would kiss me goodnight and my  
dad would always hug me. Sure it was only a few years, but I think  
that's years more then what Dally got.

I feel bad for him, must be tough growing up without even knowing love  
or good. I hope Dally will see it someday. Maybe he'd watch a sunset  
with me and Pony...naw he'd never do that.

The door just opened, dads home. I'm gonna go to the Curtis' tonight,  
dad got laid off a few days back and it's getting bad. See you soon, JC.

Dally fought back tears as he read it over again. How could  
Johnnycakes had ever wanted to kill himself. He read the date. It was  
only about a couple weeks ago.

He felt numb. Damn he was so bad to Jonnycakes. He looked up to him,  
and he acted like a jerk. Johnny didn't even know he cared about him.  
"Of course I fuckin cared about yah!" he screamed to the air and  
threw the book at the wall.

He knitted his hands behind his head and paced around. Tears rolled  
down his cheeks but he couldn't feel them. All he could feel was  
regret. Im so sorry Johnny...

As he felt strong arms wrap around him he broke down into a sob. He  
sank to the ground and leaned into Darry.

He cried until his tears ran dry and his sobs ceased into little  
hiccups. He stayed leaned against Darry though, he had already lost  
all of his pride and respect he had possessed after he tried to kill  
himself. He hadn't cried like that since he was a real young kid that  
didn't know anything.

He felt like a pressure in him was released, like a huge weight was  
lifted off his shoulders. Still he felt the empty feeling deep in his  
chest now accompanied by guilt. A flash of silver caught his eye in  
the corner of the room.

He pushed Darry back and picked it up. A small smile went on his face  
as he weaves it between his fingers.

It was a small bracelet made with a small brown peice of rope. In the  
middle was a silver plate in between two cream beads.

He fingered it thoughtfully as he remembered the day he gave it to  
Johnny, right before left for New York. He couldn't believe Johnny had  
kept it, that was over ten years ago.

As he rubbed it small writing on the back caught his attention. As he  
narrowed his eyes to read it they suddenly widened. Always be there.  
He didn't know that was on it. His mom gave it to him way back along  
with St. Christopher and it was the only thing Dally could think to  
give to him at the time.

He suddenly relized that Darry was standing behind him and he turned  
slipping the bracelet onto his wrist. "Whats that?" Darry asked.

Dally shrugged. "Nothing," he started for the window. "We best leave  
soon else we might get caught."

He allowed Darry to go first the he looked back at the room. "Bye  
Johnnycakes," he whispered softly. "See you someday." And he would see  
him someday, just not soon if Dally could help it. Besides, Johnny was  
with him, even if he couldn't see him.

He could almost hear Johnny laughing as he slid out his window. _Love  
you kid._

**Alright that is that. Hope you liked and review. Sorry for any OOC. No  
this does not pertain to my other book. I'm gonna go to bed now cause  
Im so tired! Yeah! Night!  
**


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